Bring You Back
by SparklingEnchantress
Summary: My take on the aftermath of Rayna calling off her marriage to Luke. Deyna centered, check. Flashbacks? Check. One-shot most likely.


**A/N: **hey y'all long time no talk! Yup, I'm still very much alive just buried under school work and shit. However, the idea for this came to me last week and I HAD to see it through. It is not up to par with where I would like it to be so please don't judge it too hard. This is just vaguely how I envisioned the episode today to play out. (Obviously before I saw the sneak peek.) Anywhoooo I'm super nervous and not totally satisfied with this so please review with ease, if you've read my stuff before, I'm sure you've noticed that I've kinda been on a posting drought. So, please be kind. Also **ANY similarities to other Deyna stories **on here is completely **unintended **and any and all praise belongs to them.

-SparklingEnchantress

-###-

Rayna exhales loudly as she ventures down her driveway ready to face the storm of reporters posted in front of her gate barricading them off her property. Addressing the obvious question that has sent shock waves through music row, as well as the rest of the nation, why has the wedding of the year been called off, the day of? She offers a vague explanation expressing that she is sure their friendship will prevail, and even as she says the words aloud Rayna is less than convinced they're true. Stringing Luke along on up until the day of the wedding she knows thoroughly crushed him, and momentarily as she stalks back to the shelter of her home, Tandy and Bucky closely tailing her, she thinks maybe Luke was right. Maybe going through with the wedding and getting an annulment shortly thereafter would have been easier. Easier than dealing with the incessant press bombarding not only her, but her family as well. Deacon fills her mind then, as she leans back against the hollowed oak door, wondering if there is a press circuit stalking his house hiding out in bushes waiting, hoping to catch a glimpse of her visiting him. In her mind, she knows that taking that trip over to east Nashville would be a colossal mistake that would bring even more unwanted press to the people she cares for most. But there's an unattainable fire in her belly that she knows for certain will only be silenced by seeing Deacon. At this point, she's sure Deacon has caught wind of the news, that she and Luke have decided to call it quits and not go through with the wedding, how could he have not? Sensing that she needs some time Tandy and Bucky scurry off to make cancellations and field questions, over the phone, from radio executes and reporters alike.

Taking a quick peek from through the shades covering the window, Rayna breathes out a sigh of relief upon seeing a majority of the vultures dissembling their tripods and retreating back to their vans. The moment of solitude is quickly broken up as her daughters appear before her eyes, verbally demanding answers.

"But, I don't get it. What happened?" Maddie demands curious to her mother and Luke's falling out.

"Yeah, you guys were so happy yesterday." Her youngest, Daphne, points out her eyes wide in shock to the news she received only an hour ago.

"Girls it's complicated..."

"No it's not." Daphne says in a matter-of-fact tone. "If you love each other then you should get married..and live happily ever after."

"Daph, it doesn't work like that. She and Dad loved each other too." Maddie chimes in quick to remind her sister that their mother's first marriage didn't exactly end in the _happily ever after _fashion she was oh, so convinced that love should end in. _Oh to be ten again. _

Daphne glares at her older sister rolling her eyes before facing her mother again. "Still..you saw them they were in love. Was this because Maddie and I wanted to go to boarding school?"

A silence hangs in the room and Maddie angles her body towards her mother crossing her arms over her chest. "Was it Mom?"

"No, no girls it has nothing to do with that. With the two of you. This is about me, I made a mistake saying yes...our lives just didn't mesh the way I thought they would." She offers as a small explanation, giving her daughters as much of the truth as she possibly could. "Come here," Rayna requests opening her arms wide enough of both her girls to slide around. They both do as they're told filling the space her mother made for them wrapping their arms around her. Once the girls were in her arms Rayna tightened her hold on them giving them a gentle squeeze. "We're still a family. That hasn't and won't changed." She whispered kissing the top of their heads as she clung to the one thing she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, would get her through this mess.

\- # # # -

His blood was boiling, he couldn't believe Luke would break her heart in that way, and just because Deacon had admitted he'd always love her and that would never change. Luke had to know the kind of connection they shared, why else had he insisted on keeping him on tour with him after everything. Shaking his head Deacon sped toward Wheeler's ranch slamming his fist against the steering wheel as he got stalled by a red light. Going over to Luke's place right now probably wasn't the smartest of choices, but Deacon just couldn't help himself, images of Rayna's weeping face as she clutched a nonrefundable dress fueled his rage as foot pressed down on the accelerator and he veered his truck through the intersection and out of the congestion of music city. Nothing but open road laid in front of him. Considering the lack of traffic Deacon assumes that most of the Music City's elite have heard the news by now, and have stripped out of their wedding clothes and hunkered down calling everyone they know to get the details on Ruke's end. He knows that it's part of the business, but Deacon cannot stand the way the press alludes to things that are so far fetched that it's laughable. As he maneuvered his truck down the road Deacon slowed as he recognized the area he was approaching. The security was less than impressive, everyone already sent home since their services wouldn't be needed. Pulling up in front of the gate that caged in Luke's property Deacon exhaled his angry being renewed at the sight of all the empty white chairs placed in front of his mansion. Rolling down his window a cool breeze tore in and licked his face as he smiled politely to one of the few members of security left.

"Name?"

"Deacon Claybourne."

"Mr. Claybourne...Mr. Wheeler requested that all guests go home." The man at the gate explained trying to make sure that he followed instructions and did his job.

"I'm a close friend." Deacon replied the words hollow and meaningless on his tongue. Sure, at one point they were friends, maybe, but that was years ago, and long before he decided to shack up with the love of his life and then break her heart.

The man at the gate surveyed the list of expected wedding guests, on the clipboard in front of himself, searching for Deacon's name. "I'm sorry Sir, but your name isn't even on the list...I can't let you in."

"Let me talk to Luke." Deacon pleaded, he had to find a way inside.

"I'll call him, but he explicitly told me to turn away guests for the wedding."

"I'm not here for the wedding." Confessed Deacon a fire sparking in his eyes as his grip on the steering wheel tightened his fingernails digging into the leather.

The security member just eyed him for a moment before digging into his pocket and collecting his cell phone. Unlocking the device with ease Deacon watched him as he tapped the screen recalling Luke's number as he held it to his ear. He tried desperately to hear what Luke was saying, but it was hopeless Deacon could only make out the security man's end of the conversation. "alright sir, I'll let him in." Replied the security guard in a wary tone before pocketing the phone.

"Alright, let him through."

Deacon nodded his thanks before rolling his window up as his grip on the steering wheel increased and the gates smoothly opened creating an entrance for him. Pressing down on the acceleration Deacon tore his truck through the gates' opening moving his truck along the driveway. As he neared the house he bit down on his lower lip eyeing the yard that resembled that of s ghost town, unlike one where five hundred guests should bring collected baring witness to the wedding of the year.

Before Deacon even put his truck in park Luke was quickly approaching, his face an angry intense mixture. Throwing his truck in park Deacon unbuckled his seatbelt with surprising speed and opened his door. "What the hell do you want?" Snarled Luke as he approached Deacon's truck, kicking his foot up, and driving it into Deacon's headlight.

Glaring at him Deacon slammed his door, he could smell the stench of booze from where he was and he clenched his fists. "What is your problem?" Deacon questioned shaking his head at the man.

Swaggering forward Luke shoves Deacon, "you, Deacon. _**You**_ are my problem."

"Me? I didn't do a damn thing."

"You didn't have to." Luke spits out; his bloodshot eyes rolling as he spins away.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"Why can't you just let her go?" Not waiting for an answer Luke came up and shoves him hard, causing Deacon to stumble backward towards the already messed up array of white chairs.

"Why can't you just let her be happy?" Deacon counters, from what Rayna had told him, she loved Luke, she was happy. Why did this prick have to go and ruin that for her? He shoved him and before either of them knew it fists were flying and they were tumbling to the ground knocking over chairs in the process. The two of them began to wrestle a little bit fighting the other for control. Luke ends up on top of Deacon and he slams his back against the broken wood of an overturned chair before his fist connects with Deacon's jaw. Wiggling his jaw a little bit Deacon dodges Luke's next advance and rolls away from him. Having managed to wrestle the control away, Deacon now has the upper hand as he finds himself towering over Luke who is still laying on the ground. Deacon is heated, Luke, as much as he hated it, that man had everything he had ever wanted, Rayna, Luke was, for the most part, a decent guy who could take care of her in all the ways she deserved to be. All the ways Deacon now couldn't with the diagnosis he'd been given earlier in the day. However, now, as far as Deacon knew, Luke called it quits probably shattering Rayna's heart into a million shards. Just thinking of her tears making black tracks down her cheeks fueled Deacon's rage even more as he cocked his arm back before slamming his knuckles into Luke's cheek, and then delivering another one under his chin before Luke knew what hit him.

"She was happy with you, I accepted that, that she loved you, why'd you have to go and end things and break her heart?" Deacon roared as he drove his fist into Luke's face once more, unhappy with the news he'd overheard when Scarlett had innocently turned on the TV this afternoon. It was the breaking news story on every single local station and not to mention the main headline on all the country music channels. He was in awe at the coverage of Luke's empty ranch and the cutaway shot of Rayna in front of her house offering a brief statement. One that shed little light on the couple's falling out. Suddenly a dull ache settled into Deacon's fists making him realize, for the first time, that he probably delivered more than enough blows to make Luke hurt as much as Rayna was. As much as he was.

'"You don't get it, it's you Claybourne. For whatever damned reason, Rayna can't marry me because of you." Luke spits out shaking his head as he runs a hand over his bruised jaw. "It's always you."

Hearing those words causes Deacon to move away from Luke. His heart drops to his feet, in any other circumstance that would've been the best thing he'd ever heard, but with the severity of his diagnosis he can't bare the thought of not being able to live up to all the promises he made to her the night he proposed. The thought of breaking yet another promise to her is a pain worse than any beating he ever received, ever instigated.

"I should've never gotten involved with her," Luke says, sounding sober, breaking the fog that has cluttered Deacon's mind.

Nodding his head Deacon opens his mouth to respond but its suddenly unusually dry and he can't seem to formulate the words. "Maybe not, " he finally agrees slumping over on the grass a solid five feet away from Luke, draping his forearms over his knees breathing heavily.

-###-

"Knock knock..." Rayna said softly wrapping her knuckles against the door frame of Maddie's open door. "Can I come in?"

To her mother's inquiry Maddie just shrugged her shoulders, her eyes momentarily rising from the iPad that was resting on her thighs. Her finger scrolled through the series of videos on youtube a faint smile curling her lips upward at the face that was reflected up at her through the screen.

"How are you doin'?"

"Fine," Maddie answered in a dismissive tone. It wasn't like she had just called off her wedding. Sure, part of her was slightly bummed that her mother and Luke had called the wedding off, for one, she had just gotten used to, what was supposed to be, her new siblings. Having them around and bonding with them. However, even though she had grown accustomed to them, and enjoyed their overall new family dynamic Maddie was relieved. Maybe now her mother would make the right decision and marry her father, Deacon. It was all she had wanted, but she knew it wasn't her place to meddle she had to let them find their way back to one another. Slowly her pointer finger double tapped on one of the videos of Deacon, a little push though couldn't hurt, right?

As soon as his voice came out of the small speakers of Maddie's iPad, Rayna's head tilted down her eyes craning to see a video of him performing a song her ears had never heard before at none other than the Bluebird, their sanctuary, the birthplace of where their partnership, both songwriting and romantic, had been forged. "What's that?"

"Oh um, this is the song Deacon played at the Bluebird for that live event."

"You recorded it?"

"No, no I didn't….someone else did and posted it online." Maddie explained to her mother her eyes absorbed in her father's musical craft and the raw emotion he displayed.

"Could you start it over for me?" Rayna requested having missed almost the whole first verse because she had been so mesmerized by his voice and the way his biceps strained against his signature pearl snap denim shirt.

Taking a quick glance at her mother's facial features Maddie nods her head and drags the bar until it is back to the beginning. Rayna leans back against her daughters pillows and listens intently to Deacon as he expresses that the song may have more than three chords but it's the truth. He was always the one to strive for truth with his lyrics, and the one to push her to tell the truth within her own lyrics, that was of course, a fraction of what made them such great songwriting partners.

_My broken promises broke your heart_

_Time and time again_

The opening line of the song jabs a dagger deep into her heart reopening wounds that never really healed completely, the stitching there but frayed. A constant stream of words assault her brain, "_baby, I promise I'm done with alcohol. You're the only drug I need…...Never again, I swear….I'll be there, I'd never miss it. I'm not drunk...Remember what? I can do this, I promise...I swear on us."_ Each recollected word that resounded in her head brought with it new tears that began to accumulate behind blue eyes, at the memories she hopelessly tried to forget. Furniture scattered, shards of glass littering the floor, fist shaped holes in the wall, and splinters of wood shrewn everywhere leaving their home as broken as her heart. Always left to clean up the destruction on her own while he slept off another bender.

_I let everything fall apart_

_I was such a fool back then_

Every screaming match, every empty bottle, every overturned mic stand, every busted amp, every snapped guitar string, every falling out; his anger, his demons always got the best of him, of them. Digging their claws into him and not letting go at any cost. Tearing holes into their relationship that constantly needed mending that constantly needed stitching up. With his third rehab stint under his belt Rayna prayed to God that, _that, _was the last time. But a forgotten proposal and a bottle of cheap whiskey later she found herself on the same tired line of giving up or seeing how much more she could handle. At that point and time he was always just one shot, one smooth bottle of dark poison away from destroying the both of them. She'd never known someone like him before, so willing to walk such a tight and frayed line, while bridging the gap between a major and a minor chord. Spinning notes into bitter melodies that had never nibbled the ear. But all the lyrics in the world couldn't hide the fact that he had his demons, and they always drove a wedge between them. A wedge that they were unable to smooth over and fix, with a kiss that inevitably led to a trail of discarded clothing and sweaty writhing bodies, and that caused the pair to be sling-shot to opposite parts of the U.S., more times than they cared to admit. And just like cigarette smoke he would dissolve in the wind and be carried to yet another rehab facility. Leaving the couple laying swaddled in bitter cold sheets in lonely beds in cities 3,000 miles apart; haunted by moments in time that they wished they could change.

_But you loved me once I know_

_So many sorrys ago_

A montage of 'sorrys' plays through her consciousness as if she's relieving each painful one all at once, and it makes her heartache because each one holds less and less weight. One apology in particular begins to vividly replay before her eyes. "_Hey darlin'..." Deacon chimes his tone upbeat as he wipes his towel over his face drying the moisture that was still there from his shower. Rayna pivots away from him and Deacon immediately picks up on her quiet behavior and the avoidance game her eyes are playing. "Hey hey, what's wrong?" He questions before a dark shadow clouds his piercing navy eyes at the purple shade that is discoloring her face. "What happened to your face?" Silence hangs heavy in the air between them as Rayna continues to avoid his eyes. "...oh god, no, no. I-I didn't….did I?" The lack of eye contact from her gives away the answer and Deacon's face falls. "God, baby, I am so sorry." He says his voice shaking as he inches toward her wanting to reach out and touch her but resisting the urge. "I, I didn't mean to, I swear, baby, you have to believe me." Finally he steps forward and his thumb skims over the bruise that is cracking through the foundation that she put on to conceal it from the world. It takes all of her not to flinch away from his touch tears streaming down both of their cheeks._ _She had known in her heart that he never meant to hurt her, but under the haze of a drunken hour he was transformed into another man; one who was a stranger to her. _Quickly Rayna shakes the memory away not wanting to ponder on it for too long, but not being offered a reprieve as another apology flashes through her mind.

_He didn't remember. The most significant moment in their lives, and he couldn't even remember asking her that all too binding question. She felt like she was going to throw up as she threw the hollowed out shiny white gold band, that was dotted with diamonds, to the floor at his feet waving her white flag. Spinning away from him and fleeing the room Rayna sought refuge in their bedroom furiously heaving the door shut with a loud crack, ignoring Deacon as he called after her. Tears stained a puddle on the hardwood floor as he tapped lightly on their bedroom door. "Ray, baby, please….I'm sorry, so sorry, words can't even express how sorry I am, but, I love you...always have and I do want to be your husband, please…" She sniffles before another cry shudders through her body causing her breathing to quicken and come in short spurts. Even through the commotion she's making with her breakdown she still manages to hear him sigh heavily as he leans his weight back against the door slowly sliding down to the floor, a flimsy piece of wood the only thing separating them now. "God, how stupid am I, how could I ever forget proposing to you." Deacon utters more so to himself than anything else. "I'm sorry, for everything. For forgetting, for drinking again, but most importantly for letting you down...again. Baby, there's no excuse for what I've done, and I promise you that you're all I want. Ya know, I still want our life that's good, even if my actions after I proposed don't reflect that. It's all I want. I wanna see you waddling around the yard gardening with a swollen belly carrying a baby we created." His voice gets choked up as he envisions the future that he could have with the woman on the other side of the door, if only he could overcome his addiction once and for all and be the kind of man whose word she believed without a shadow of a doubt. "All I want is to build a family and life with you...you're the best thing that has ever happened to me, babe. And I know, I know, I screwed up, majorly..and I guess maybe I don't have this thing licked quite yet….so, maybe I should go back." Deacon quietly confesses to her through the wooden panel of the door, he fingers the ring smiling sadly as it glints in the morning light. He had wanted nothing more than to buy her a flashy engagement ring, but he'd drank most of his money away, so he had to settle for this less than impressive band. Licking his lips, he turns the band over again and again between his fingers reaching a decision. "Rayna Eloise Wyatt, I love you, more than anything in this whole world and I wanna be the kind of man you can be proud of, so I'm gonna go back to rehab. I wanna be the best husband I can be for you, please believe me, I'm sorry a thousands times over, but I promise I can and I will be the man you want me to be." Slowly he eyes the ring that is caught between his thumb and forefinger and slides it underneath the door. _

_Hearing his declaration causes fresh tears to spill over her eyes as she clamps a hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs. This wasn't quite the proposal she envisioned that she'd retell to their kids someday but it was theirs. Her ears heard the metal scrap across the wooden floor as he wiggled the ring through the slit where the door didn't quite meet the floor. Rayna eyes the small silver circle against the hardwood floor the implications behind what he just said, not lost on her. The ring now a token, a promise, that he's not only dedicated to her but also to staying clean for good, for them; for their future. Her whispered okay, is drowned out by her sobs as she retrieves the ring from the floor and slides it onto her finger. Taking a deep breath she stands on shaky legs slowly opening the door. Deacon falls backward as she opens the door before he clamors to his feet and their eyes met. Drinking in the pain painted across her face causes him to pull her into his arms and through choked sobs she whispers to him, "I shouldn't love you." As another wave of tears painfully courses through her body rattling her bones the memory of them writing that song flashing through both of their minds, and all he can do is nod. Deacon is well aware of the fact that he doesn't deserve her, that he's put her through hell and back. His arms instinctively tighten around her and he agrees sadly grazing a kiss to the crown of her head. Rayna stayed wrapped up in his arms as her sobs racked through her body becoming a verbal sign of just how much he'd hurt her this time, slowly he ran his fingers through her tangled curls. "I'm so sorry, Ray. God, babe...I'm so so sorry." Came out in a whispered guilt fueled confession tears falling down Deacon's eyes getting lost in a blur of auburn curls. _

And she had believed him, like she always did because Rayna would've walked through fire for him back then she loved him so much, hell she _still_ loves him that much. But this time things are different this time, he's different; she's different they've both changed and evolved grown into people their daughter could be proud of. Focusing back on Deacon's performance, on the lyrics of his song, Rayna gulped trying to control the wide range of emotions that were plaguing her.

_So here I am_

_And I just pray_

_That you will listen long enough_

_To hear me when I say_

_This brand-new man won't let you down_

_If you let me show you_

_I know how to love you now_

She had in some ways given him a bit of a chance this time, unlike with Teddy. But that wasn't entirely her fault, Deacon had been locked away in an exclusive rehab going through extensive detox, counseling, and therapy both group and individual sessions with no guarantee that, the fifth time would do the trick. This time around though, everything was different, Deacon had taken responsibility for his actions, for his faults, expressing that he'd changed and now, after a fifteen year drought, he knew how to love me now. Truth was, he always knew how to love me, that's why I've never been able to let him go, but we can't deny our tumultuous past and the deeply rooted scars that lay there. Blinking quickly Rayna tries to keep the drops of water that are building behind her eyes from falling stealing a quick glance at _their _daughter who is deeply enthralled by her father's performance being displayed across the screen of her iPad.

_There was a time when I held your hand_

_I would've died to keep you safe_

Hearing each lyric was like a punch to the gut, each one holding within them memories that sling-shot her back in time. A majority of the memories painful ones but these lyrics in particular remind her of all the good times that they had before his demons, his disease became the center of their world, their relationship, forever changing their dynamic. _Her eyes grow wide as she approached the lake, the murky looking water looking less than enticing. Their bare feet padded across the grass until they came to rest on a hard large rock that overlooked the body of water. As Rayna gazed down at the water she was unsettled by the fact that it wasn't clear. Deacon pulled his t-shirt over his head tossing the unwanted garment to their feet as he glanced over her lanky frame. "You ready?" _

"_I can't." Rayna admitted lifting her eyes up to meet his. _

"_Come on, Ray….it's totally safe I swear." _

"_But-aren't there fish?"_

"_Yeah babe there are, it is a lake." Deacon retorted in an amused tone as he spun in front of her his hands curving over her hips. "Besides a deal is a deal." _

"_I hate you." She stated with a grimace on her face before she reached for the front of her cut-off's and snapped open the button, wiggling slightly Rayna worked the the short frayed denim over her hips until the material shimmied down her long legs. _

"_I love you." Whispered Deacon his eyes lost in the movements of her body a smile capturing his lips. _

"_What?" _

"_Uh, I-I…" Swallowing Deacon licked his lips, the weight of those words hanging over him, he'd wanted to say it for months, but also didn't want to scare her off. Gazing deep into her eyes Deacon smiled reaching up and cupping both of her cheeks between his hands. "I love you Rayna." _

_A wide smile upturned her lips as she leaned up on to her tip toes claiming his lips with her own. They stood there on top of the rock swapping kisses and as she felt her lungs tighten, and her head go light from lack of oxygen Rayna parted from Deacon breathing heavily, "I love you." _

_After she uttered those words back to him Deacon leaned down and kissed her again, softly this time. When their lips broke apart, the couple giggled before Rayna stepped back eliminating the contact of their bodies her fingers curling over the hem of her loose tanktop dragging the shirt off her upper body revealing her tiny black bikini. "Alright, here I go," she uttered, the hesitation evident in her voice, as she inched towards the edge of the rock her toes peeking over. _

"_Hey wait," Deacon said coming up alongside of her. "We'll do it together." he declared reaching down between their bodies and collecting her smaller hand in his. Rayna tilted her head up and smiled gratefully at her boyfriend giving his hand a squeeze before weaving her fingers between the spaces of his. "On the count of three?" Questioned Deacon cocking his head to the side and eyeing her bright blue eyes in a curious fashion. _

_Nodding her agreement Rayna gripped his hand slightly tighter. "On the count of three"_

"_One." He said aloud tugging her hand with him as he approached the edge of the rock._

"_Two." Rayna counted off _

"_Three!" Deacon finished off their count holding on tightly to her hand as the couple lept forward leaving the safety of the rock then. Her voice screams out as they soared down off the rock her hand clutching his as if her life depended on it. In a matter of minutes the couple splashed into the lake water below their hands still linked together as they bobbed back above water. "You did it babe!" Were the first words spoken between them, his voice filled with pride. Wading over to him Rayna grabbed his face and smiled widely. _

_"Thanks to you,"she replied to him eyes twinkling in the afternoon light. _

_"No. That was all you." They shared a smile before their lips came together. _

As the memory replays itself Rayna can't help but smile, it was so easy when they first started out. Everything was new, exciting, they were young and learning about one another, growing together. Those first several years, when she was cutting her teeth in honky tonks and living off tips, in a spare room at the house Deacon lived in that was filled with other cowboys trying to find their way in Music City, had been some of the happiest times of her life. With the exception of that one night in particular.

_Everyone in the house was having a great time, the alcohol was flowing and Rayna found herself under a haze of vodka shots. She vaguely recalled one of their roommates getting a little too friendly, his hands skimming up her sides before chapped lips covered hers. It all happened so fast, and before she could even shove him off an exteral force was retracting the guy. _

_In her alcohol induced stuper Rayna registered that it was Deacon and gasped. Opening her mouth to protest but her words fell on deaf ears. _

_"Get behind me Ray," Deacon urged as he stepped in front of her. _

_"Deacon, " she protests not liking the darkness that diluted his eyes._

_"You think that's okay, to treat a woman like that?" _

_"Didn't know that she needed someone to defend her." Their roomate said smugly. _

_And that was all Deacon needed to hear, his eyes flared and his fists flew, colliding with their roommate's face. Vince had to physically remove Deacon so that he didn't seriously hurt him. _Looking back on it, Rayna finds herself still baffled by how they didn't end up at the police station. To this day, she's still convinced that if Vince hadn't intervined that Deacon may have been doing hard time for murdering that guy that night. There had just been too many drugs and far too much alcohol.

_That's why it kills me, that I'm the man_

_Who put those tears on your face_

Hearing this line is where she loses total control and the tears spill down her cheeks being reminded that there were plenty of times she cried, because of him, because of them that he never knew about. _"I wanted to be your wife. I cried myself to sleep for a year I wanted it so bad." _Rayna gnawed the inside of cheek inhaling deeply, trying to stop the flow of tears, and being unsuccessful. She had only recently admitted that to him, but the memory was still just as clear, as if it were yesterday.

_She tugs off her cowboy boots and peels the socks from her feet reminiscing on just how many times she's done this, here, before. Hopping out of the truck the cool grass squishes between her toes as her feet carry her down the slope edging her closer to the tracks. Taking long slow strides the railroad tracks lay in front of her stretching down to her left disappearing into an opening in heavy tree coverage. Glancing from side to side her right foot extends tentatively as her toes slowly curl over the bone chilling metal. Carefully she balances herself along the railroad track gingerly tiptoeing across it as if it were a tight rope. That's what it feels like with Deacon, they are always one misstep away from tumbling into the abyss and never recovering from such a fall. And currently the rope is slowly unraveling beneath their feet against their will and they find ourselves wavering on our tip toes clinging to the edge for as long as possible. Her fingers curl around the heart shaped locket her finger nail lightly tracing over the engraving on the backside. "Love always." She knew those letters by heart by now, stroking them constantly from the moment Deacon had placed the necklace around her neck on their third Christmas together._

_The gold links slip slowly through the grooves of her fingers until the heavy heart is dangling from the palm of her hand and swaying with the wind. There's a vibration that pulsates through her body as the track quakes beneath her weight causing her to lift her head and toss a loose ringlet over her shoulder, staring the train dead on. The blare of the horn is deafening and the train lights are blinding as it barrels down like a bullet shot outta a gun. Filling her lungs with a deep breath of spring air, eyelids fall like shutters and her body relaxes completely bracing her brittle skin and bones for the painful impact it's about to endure._

_As the train speeds closer and closer to her the incessant horn echoes in her ears and the tracks rattle even more underneath her feet. The shaking is enough to tilt her off balance, her ankle twisting as she tumbles into the grass dropping the locket but out of the line of the train. Cursing out loud, hot tears prick her eyes as her hands curve over her ears, fingers threading through her auburn hair tugging at the roots as her voice screams out. Rocking back and forth her head shakes from side to side, This wasn't how it was supposed to unfold. If Rayna didn't know any better she would assume that her throat is bleeding from the rate and level of screams that are scratching out of the back of it. Breathing heavily the tears fall and she make no attempt to stop them or wipe them away. All she wanted in this life was their life that's good, to be his wife, the mother to his children. Slapping a hand over her mouth her upper body hunches into her midsection as the sobs become all consuming causing the shell that's left of her to quiver._

_Bile scorches the back of her throat irritating her already inflamed pipes. It's boiling up against her will and before she knows it, her hand falls away as her body convulses and the distinctive smell of vomit wafts through the air. This would have all been over if she had only been able to maintain her balance and allow the train to slam into her body. All that would be left of her, and their unborn child, would be a mangled corpse, limbs scattered everywhere, which would make it a scavenger hunt just for the police to retrieve all the pieces. And she wouldn't have to witness the look of devastation and hurt that is sure to shadow Teddy's facial features when she informs him that the child growing inside her might not be his. Although, if she's being honest with herself there's little, to no chance, that the baby could be Teddy's. The two of them had always been particularly careful when it came to contraceptives. Whereas, she and Deacon had regularly threw caution to the wind allowing their red hot passion and lust to drive them. Doing this, having a baby alone scares the hell outta her, but she knows that it's a likely possibility once she tells Teddy. She'll lose him, no question, what guy in his right mind would want to stick around to raise some else's baby? He's a good man, and deserves so much better than what she has offered him, she knows this. Running every time Deacon beacons, only to come back to Teddy more broken and detached than she was the last time around. It's a vicious cycle trying to repair deep old wounds with new stitches. _

_Just a shell of aching bones and a stitched together heart that's in desperate need of repair she can feel the exhaustion weighing heavy on her pale flesh. Deacon has slaughtered her, ten ways to Sunday, once again. Trapping them in a vicious cycle that fucks with their minds cause they're too dysfunctional, too dependent, too entangled with one another to break free. Between burning eyes, and icy words their world spins them apart sling shotting them to opposite poles. Offering her a momentary reprieve from the constant worrying until he bailed on rehab, bailed on her. Effectively saying in not so many words that he didn't give a fuck if he lived or died. Rolling off her knees she tumbles onto her back and lays flat in the grass tears freeing falling down her cheeks making black tracks as her arms extend to either side of herself as she gazes up at the starry sky. Momentarily as the stars shine down on her she finds herself wishing that she lived on one. She'd have no worries, she'd be safe. If she lived on a star she could protect Deacon in his dreams, when he fights all his buried demons. _

_The familiar blare of the train and the clash of the steel boxcars as the train rolls down the track takes her back to the first time she ever really watched a train. Not behind some dirty windshield while fingers drummed against the steering wheel, no. Deacon laid a blanket down on the hill and they sat cuddled together chattering away. It had been a full moon that night where they learned so much about one another, stealing kisses as the stars winked their approval down at memorable time was with Vince, the three of them sat together playing music and drinking until the sun came up. Managing to see four different trains pass them by that night, joking about how they should jump on the next one and see where it took them. The next time was Deacon's first trip to rehab, she sat on this same hill and wondered if she did the right thing. If the intervention, had been the right thing for him, for them. If she had overreacted by saying that he was an addict. But now here she is five years later, with no more of Vince's antics, a wooden cross staked next to a tree that's missing bark where it stopped his truck that night, three more rehab trips under Deacon's belt, and he still wasn't sober. Tears fell easily down her eyes, why did everything have to be so fucked up? All she wanted was them in her dream house, that he had bought for her, raising their kids up and playing music._

_I don't blame you for moving on _

_And maybe all of my chances are gone_

_What you need, is to just let him go._ Tandy's phrase from that fateful day at the cabin resounds in her head. Hell, it wasn't the first time she'd heard that, and definitely not the first time she'd heard it uttered from her sister's lips. But nobody understands just how tightly they're woven together. They think they do, and they all sum it up with one word _co-dependent. _Tandy, Watty, Bucky, backup singers, guitarists, they all spit and sling _that_ word around in disgust as if it leaves a bad taste in their mouth. It's sneered from people who claim to care about them. The gossip rags splash it across covers that accompany a collage of grainy photos of them staggering out of seedy bars, gurneys hauling Deacon's lifeless body into the back of ambulances, and Rayna crouched over, body folded into herself face buried in her hands as the uncomfortable waiting room chairs slice into her pale flesh. How they managed to get some of the shots still baffles her. They'd always done their best to keep their relationship quiet, under wraps, outta the public eye. On stage it was a different story of course, they couldn't control the moments they had while there, that was their safe place, their home. Where they shared some of the most honest moments. They were an open book to their fans up there where everything laid bare. Bedroom eyes, secret smiles, and teasing caresses always were a causality of singing their love songs to each other with 5,000 pairs of watchful and attentive eyes.

_So here I am_

_And I just pray_

_That you will listen long enough_

_To hear me when I say_

_This brand-new man won't let you down_

_If you let me show you_

_I know how to love you now_

_I see that look in your eye_

_You're scared_

_And I understand why_

_So am I_

And there it was, he still could read her just like a book. He knew, that she was scared he knew before she even admitted it to herself. Hearing him sing, she knew he was singing directly to her, even though she hadn't been there and the fact that he admitted he was scared too filled her with hope. This could work. It wouldn't be easy, but nothing ever was when it came to them, except of course their writing partnership that was effortless.

_But here I am and I just pray_

_That you will listen long enough_

_To hear me when I say_

_This brand-new man won't let you down_

_If you'll let me show you_

_I know how to love you now_

_Girl, let me show you_

_I know how to love you_

_Now…_

Tears decorated her cheeks and Rayna dabbed them away well aware of their daughter's watchful and knowing eyes. As the song came to a close, mother and daughter sat there in silence lost in their own thoughts. Turning off her iPad Maddie shifted on her bed so that she was facing her mother. "Are you okay?" Genuine concern splashed across her eldest daughter's face as she looked up at her mother with big brown eyes.

"Yeah, I will be." Rayna admitted nodding her head to further validate her claim. "Thank you for sharing that with me." She says gratitude leaking out through her words as she wipes away the last of the tears from her cheeks and runs a hand over her eyes trying to fix the black smudges that formed there.

"Of course."

"I'm gonna go check on your sister," she informed Maddie as she slowly slide off of her bed. Reaching forward Rayna collected her daughter's hand and gave it a squeeze as she bent over and brushed a kiss to the top of her head. "Don't stay up too much longer sweetie."

"I won't," Maddie promised as she watched her mother closely as she glided towards the door. "Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

A smile stretched her lips upward, "I love you too baby, goodnight."

"Night." Maddie nodded not being able to hide the smile that fell on her lips. Yes, a small nudge never hurt anyone. Turning off her light Maddie sunk down on her bed pulling the covers over herself and closed her eyes excited for what the future held for not only her, but also for her biological parents.

-###-

After composing herself in the bathroom Rayna went and checked in on her youngest daughter who was curled underneath a mountain of blankets peacefully sleeping. The sound of her record player skipping caught her ear and Rayna carefully lifted the arm off the vinyl and smiled briefly as she caught the name at the center, Deacon Claybourne. It wasn't news to her that Daphne held a deep affection for her _Uncle Deacon, _but it always pleasantly surprised her that the feelings of affection were reciprocated. Leaning down, Rayna brushes a strand of blonde hair out of Daphne's face and kisses on top of the head. "Good night, my sweet baby." She whispered admiring her daughter in the dim light before she moved out of the room flickering the light off as she went. Letting out a deep breath, Rayna tried desperately to ignore the pangs in her heart that were encouraging her to go to him. In the quiet of the corridor, the emotional toll of today came crashing down on her making her realize just how exhausted she felt, both physically and emotionally. Inhaling fresh air into her lungs, Rayna descended the stairs slowly. Once she reached the bottom step her eyes observed the flowers that Luke had had delivered for her this morning, they were already beginning to wilt.

"Wanna drink?" Came a familiar voice from over the kitchen island.

At the sudden voice Rayna's eyes traveled away from the sad looking flowers and focused on the culprit of the proposed question. "Sure."

Sensing that wine wouldn't cut it Tandy opened Rayna's cabinet her eyes scouring the options that it held. When she came across a bottle of whiskey wrapped with a faded label, a tell tale sign that it hadn't been drank in quite sometime, Tandy pulled it out and held it up for Rayna to inspect. Having received a small nod of approval from Rayna as she moved into the den, Tandy went to work fixing both of them drinks. Tandy pours them both drinks before collecting the glasses and joining her sister in the den, handing her a glass.

"Thanks."

With a nod Tandy sinks into the armchair across from Rayna eyeing her sister suspiciously. "So you know..I gotta ask, why'd you call off the wedding?"

Taking a long swig from her drink Rayna glances over at her sister biting down her lower lip. "Deacon." She says simply, "I mean it's not all him, it's me too but, yeah."

"Is that why you broke up with Luke...'cause you're still in love with Deacon?"

Hearing her older sister's question caused Rayna to glance down fidgeting with her fingers on top of her midsection before tilting her head back up, so her eyes would lock with Tandy's. "I've never fallen out of love with Deacon, and maybe that's part of it, yes, but it's about me making the same mistakes all over again. It's about time I break the cycle and stop lyin' to myself don'tcha think?" Analyzing the larger picture realizes that, no matter how hard they try to fight it, all the twisted roads lead them right back to each other.

"Well, your timing isn't the greatest...at this point you probably should've just gone through with it and then gotten a quickie annulment."

"That's basically what Luke said, but Tandy, I want my next marriage to be my last...Luke's world is just too much. It's always flyin' a thousand miles a minute and it's just not what I want, television crews in here for Christmas, the girls whisked away at boarding school, no, I don't want that. I want mom's old ornaments hung on a tree I took hours picking out, the girls frayed stockings hung by the fireplace, baking cookies with the girls Christmas Eve, our family dinners discussing our days, the musical jam sessions that almost always follow. That's what I want, I-I..." In that moment it's as if a light bulb flickers on inside her head sparking her blue eyes. "I want a life that's good, with Deacon.. that's always what I've wanted."

"Have you talked to Deacon yet?" Tandy asked with a raise of her eyebrow, it was no secret that she didn't necessarily approve of Deacon, having been there to help pick up the pieces of Rayna's shattered heart after every bender and screaming match.

"No." She answered shortly giving her sister an incredulous look. "I haven't had the time, what with the press and the girls, who are my first priority."

"He more than likely knows by now though."

"Yeah, I have to talk to him."

"Well, the press will be all over your car the moment it leaves the gates."

"Shit, you're right." Biting down on her lower lip Rayna contemplates what her options are, and what the repercussions of her leaving the house to see Deacon would bring for not only her but her daughters as well. For everyone involved, really, even though she wasn't marrying Luke it didn't mean she didn't still care for him. She didn't want to cause him any more pain than she already had, but she just had to see Deacon.

"Take my car." Breaks the silence that has covered the den, causing Rayna's head to spring up that kind of offer from Tandy is a bit of a shock to the system. "They'll be expecting that it's me and won't be interested in following me." Tandy further explains to her younger sister who nods her agreement before pushing herself off the couch.

"Thank you." Rayna replies in a genuine tone grabbing her sister's hand and giving it a slight squeeze.

"Of course," she responds squeezing her hand back. "The keys are on the counter."

-###-

Maneuvering Tandy's two seater sports car through the streets of Nashville Rayna makes the oh-so-familiar drive to Deacon's neighborhood and parks a decent block and a half away from his house. As she rounds the corner Rayna is briefly thankful that her boots are making almost no sound against the cracked concrete sidewalk. Her eyes fervently bounce around her surroundings sizing up potential spots for reporters to be hiding in and quickly glances over her shoulder to ensure that she doesn't have a shadow. Upon reaching Deacon's house the floodgate of memories breaks and nearly drowns her on dry land. _You lost faith in me. _Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Rayna takes measured steps up to his house. _Are you tryin' to kill me? _ Climbing the steps on the porch Rayna cringes at the creek the old board makes from under her weight. _Tell me you don't feel that, and I'll let go, or just come to Bluebird tonight baby and just sing with me. _Reaching the front door Rayna steps forward and raises her right hand, her fingers curled into her palm nails lightly scraping against the flesh, her arm hangs mid-air before knuckles make contact with the wood. _Why am I not letting go...because I love you. That's it, it's easy I always have, and you're just gonna have to deal with the fact that ain't gonna change. _

Her foot gently taps on the old wooden boards of the front porch waiting for him to answer the door. Part of her knows it isn't the smartest decision for her to be here, she's actually surprised there isn't a team of reporters staked outside of Deacon's house. Glancing over her shoulder anxiously Rayna glides her thumb over the newly bare flesh of her ring finger. _I know he's the safe choice Rayna, but he's the wrong choice._ There's only one ring she wants to wear for the rest of her life, only one man she wants to have stupid arguments over what to have for dinner with, Deacon. Finally there he is pulling open the door, his face showing no trace of surprise that she's there.

"Hey." Comes out of her mouth softly her eyes boring into his.

"Hey," Deacon returns with a tip of his head, "oh come in." He encourages her stepping to the side and inhaling her scent deeply as she brushes past him and enters the house. Turning slightly Deacon closes the door behind her their eyes meeting as a silence hangs between them. He's not entirely sure why she's here, but he could never turn away.

"What happened to your hands?" Rayna questions curiously as she reaches forward and collects his right hand assessing the damage done to his knuckles.

Deacon retracts his hand from hers and hangs his head and avoids her eyes.

"Deacon Joseph Claybourne, I have known you long enough to know that the only thing to tear your knuckles up like that is someone else's face."

There's a beat and finally his blue eyes meet hers, "I'll take that as a yes. .well I hope he looks worse than you do." Rayna teases gently trying to lighten the tense mood. "Come on, lets clean you up."

Scarlett ducks back into her bedroom in order to not be seen and gently closes her door pressing herself against it keeping her ears alert to the happenings in the house.

"Ray, I don't need you to take care of me. I can take care of myself."

Rayna shot him a look that he knew good and well meant that he shouldn't even attempt to argue with her. Accepting defeat Deacon trailed behind Rayna as she led them to the bathroom. Once she passed over the threshold of the door she flipped the light on and gestured for Deacon to sit. Weighing his options Deacon opted for the edge of the tub lowering himself to it as his eyes followed Rayna while she moved with ease around the bathroom. Placing all the materials she felt she needed onto the counter top Rayna spun around and reached for Deacon's hands. "Let's see what we've got here." Rayna said softly trying to shove down the jolt she felt at the simplest contact with his skin. She chewed on her bottom lip gently as her thumb gently skimmed over the damage made to his left knuckles. "Well, your right hand is definitely more tore up than your left which isn't surprising." Honestly she wasn't sure why she had bothered to say that, she was babbling and she knew it, but she was nervous as hell. Dropping his hands gently Rayna swiveled on the balls of her feet and grabbed the neosporin. After uncapping the small tube Rayna squeezed some gel onto her pointer finger and retrieved his left hand with hers, and, as gently as possible, smoothed the gel over his bloodied knuckles.

"It was Luke."

Her concentration is broken when she hears Deacon's omission. Blue eyes grow wide as she pauses, her head tipping to the side in question.

"I-I...I thought he was the one who called off the wedding, and I knew how much you cared for him so," his words are left hanging falling over the edge for her to interpret, but there's not much analysis needed.

"So, you beat him up?" Rayna verbalizes, her tone flirting on brink of disbelief.

"Well, at the time I thought he hurt you...so, yeah."

"And now?" She questions in an almost timid voice.

"Now, I know it wasn't his choice."

Licking her lips Rayna glances between his injured hands and his eyes. "Did he tell you that?"

"In not so many words."

Rayna nods opening her mouth to say something before closing it again. Her hands go back to tending to his wounds placing a gauze pad over his knuckles and wrapping it with a ace bandage before moving to work on the right hand.

"Wanna tell me why you called it off?" Deacon ventures in a soft voice that is as warm as honey.

"Cause I didn't, couldn't... " Rayna says correcting herself before continuing, "I couldn't bring myself to make the same mistakes with Luke that I did with Teddy."

"What do you mean?"

Suddenly all her attention focuses on Deacon instead of his hands that she's helping mend. "I don't wanna pretend anymore Deacon, ya know? I, I just don't wanna lie to myself anymore. Do you know that I have loved you since the first time I ever laid eyes on you." A smile grazed over her features as the memory replayed itself in front of her eyes like an old film reel.

"Rayna," Deacon utters his eyes shifting away from hers attempting to not give himself away. She was finally saying everything he waited the last fifteen years to hear, but the fact of the matter was he was sick. And that was one fatal fact that he couldn't detest.

"Deacon, I know it'll take time for us to get back to what we had and I know I hurt you by choosing Luke over you, but I was scared... ya know of you, of the crazy whirlwind intense emotions that you make me feel. I was scared of us, I mean after the accident and everything things were just so messed up, hell I'm still scared, I'm scared shitless, but I can't stand the thought of spendin' my life with anyone but you, I still wanna be your wife, just like I did when I was twenty. Yofu're it for me babe, me without you doesn't make sense. It never has, we can try to fight it, but one way or another we always circle back to each other."

"Rayna we can't. This, us..I can't.. you picked Luke over me. I mean Teddy, now, I understand why you choose him and I'm grateful that he was there for you and Maddie and could be the kinda father and husband that I couldn't be then. But now Ray, I could've given you everything you ever wanted but you still choose Luke."

"I know, I know I hurt you babe.I just- I was scared...and I know that's no excuse for the choice I made, but we don't have the best track record."

"We can't, go back, okay? I can't." Deacon says the last bit barely above a whisper, his eyes not meeting hers, the implications of those words not lost on him.

"Deacon, " she pauses and assesses his body language. "There's something else isn't there? I have loved you for over twenty years, I can tell when you're keeping something from me. What is it? There's more to it than what you're saying there has to be ."

Contemplating his next words carefully Deacon shrugs his shoulders a bit. "Maybe, you can't read me as well as you used to."

"No, Deacon..just a few weeks ago you said that you love me and that was never gonna change. Something is going on, just tell me what it is, whatever it is...we can get through it, together."

"Rayna..no. We can't." He didn't mean for his tone out so biting and harsh, but it did, and he instantly regretted it when he saw her flinch slightly taking a step backward creating more space between them. "It's just- it's too late, too much as happened." Deacon sums up wishing like hell that it wasn't this way, that they had the rest of their lives, but he knew they didn't and he wasn't going to make empty promises to her. "You should go." He knew for a fact the longer she stayed the more his will power would wane, and he would end up scooping her up into his arms and start making up for lost time, but that wouldn't be fair to either of them. So, instead Deacon choose to push her out, push her away, it was better this way, easier.

"Uh, okay...yeah." She turned towards the door gnawing on her lower lip, eyes downcast on the floor willing the tears not to fall as she focused on the toe of her scuffed boots as they carried her across the floor. When Rayna reached the door, Deacon pulls it open and she tips her head up peering into his eyes. "I'm not giving up on you, on us. I love you, always have and I'm gonna fight for us, so whenever you wanna tell me what's going on I'll be there."

"Goodnight Ray."

"Night," she whispered, defeated.

As the door clicks closed behind her Deacon lets out a shaky breath, that was the last thing in the world he wanted to do, shatter her heart, her hopes for them, but what choice did he have? His mind is racing and he fights the urge to slam his fist against the wall and injure his hand even more.

"Why'd you do that?" Scarlett demanded pools of water drowning her crystal blue eyes. "This is all you've ever wanted."

Hearing her voice causes Deacon to spin toward her, "Cause I don't want her like this...takin' care of me. I want to take care of her!" Deacon exclaimed his heart beating rapidly, "and I can't cause I'm sick." He finished as his own eyes brimmed with tears that were dangerously close to falling and staining his rough cheeks.


End file.
